How

How can I move forwards if I’m constantly looking over my shoulder?
How can I speak if I think you’re always listening?
How can I reach forwards if I’m scared I’ll find your hand?
How can I cry without handing you power?
Where can I turn when you’re lurking in the shadows?
Where can I run with you weighing down my feet?
What can I write if you’re looking over my shoulder?
How can I live, with you in this world?

Struggling a bit tonight, I think it's because I am tired and not feelin 100%. The urge to cut is great and I'm sat here typing trying to keep myself occupied. I have tried various things to stop myself cutting such as an elastic band around my wrist, holding ice cubes in my hands, drawing with red pens and even shredding things. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I am failing miserably. It's my own fault too, this last few weeks I have been pushing myself at work and burying myself so as not to think about things. I have had a tough time recently with nightmares and things coming up in counselling, things that I never wanted to say out loud. Some feelings never seem to go away, no matter how much I know logically and rationally the feeling of shame haunts me.

And the big question is why do I cut myself ?? I can only answer that I need a release for the pain and the emotions I feel, and sometimes words are just not enough....