Stress

Well my stress levels are rising rapidly, I have made a real conscious effort at work to remain calm and in control, but the situation I'm finding myself in is starting to bring on the panic attacks.

I know it sounds stupid and it probably is, but I feel like I can't be myself and in a way (this is the really stupid part) I'm starting to feel like I did when I was living at home. That I can't do or say what I want because of the repercussions. And this is what's making me panic. Last week I tried to talk to my boss about what's been going on, and thankfully we went into another office for this chat and it took me nearly 15 minutes to get a sentence out because I couldn't breath. While my boss was very understanding and extremely encouraging she has left me with 3 options : -

1. The 3 of us sit down together and talk about what's going on. - Yes it seems like the logical thing to do and if I was feeling brave enough I would probably do it, but I hate to admit it but I'm scared of doing this because the more stressed I become the more difficulty I have in saying what I've got to say, and if I'm totally honest I don't think I could sit there and listen to this person blame me for the situation (too many memories of dad blaming me for everything)
2. Go to HR - Just not an option
3. Just get on with things - for now this is the option I have chosen. Having spoken to my boss we both live in the hope that this other person will leave and get a new job. I am also keeping my eye out for a new job just in case.

I realise that I hate any kind of confrontation and seem to be constantly covering up for someone when they continually ignore the instructions given to them. I just don't know how long I can go on before I say what I'm really thinking. The way I'm feeling this last few weeks I know I need to be careful because it's very easy for me to slip back into the depths of depression and I've fighting so hard to get out of it. As always my last resort seems to be God - maybe one day I will learn that this should ALWAYS be my first option.

Frustrated

Today and all this week I have been frustrated. Work is doing my head in. That is all.

Another week

Well it's been another busy, busy week. Firstly i bought a new car, it's 1 year old and I love it. The picture isn't mine but it's similar -

Things haven't improved much in work we're still having system problems, and to top off an absolutely stunning week someone decided to storm out of the office ( no, it wasn't me)

Now, don't get me wrong I know we all have bad days, but this person is suffering for a permanent bout of PMS. She takes offense at everything and the younger girls in the office are afraid of talking to her. I'm the kind of person who if I get mad with someone I forget it quickly rather than let it linger, but with her when she stormed out I found myself still mad with her the next day, which wasn't good. And before you ask yes it was because of something I said that she stormed out. Whether she likes it or not I am in charge and sometimes we all have to do things we don't like or bite the bullet and accept that someone (being me) does know what's the best thing to do and just do it.

If she decides to p me off again this week look out for fireworks because I'm fed up of having to clear up her incompetence.

Crazy Life

Afternoon people, well today I am saying thank God it's Saturday, it has been a crazy week and I am shattered.



This week apart from driving myself crazy with work I have been learning a valuable God lesson. I am very aware of the fact that I push myself to the extreme. I do this for 2 reasons, firstly, I am a people pleaser - I am constantly seeking acceptance and love for what I do not who I am. Secondly, where certain things are concerned I am a perfectionist.



The reason I mention these things is because this week we moved office at work and with this move came certain problems, such as the computer system only working in one office and not the office we moved from. This is not very interesting I know but for me it meant doing about 3 different peoples jobs as well as my own. So basically I have been stressed all work and probably not done any of the jobs including my own to my usual standard -which for someone like me who is desperate for acceptance is creating a certain amount of panic.

But in all the panic and mayhem, God took time to teach me something I will cling to. I have been trying to read daily The Word for Today and on Thursday this is what i said

"Until your self-concept lines up with God's concept of you, as revealed in His Word, you'll keep seeing yourself as inferior and unworthy; and that will hold up your spiritual growth. Nobody knows you like God does. And in spite of your struggles and stumblings, He loves and accepts you just as you are. God told Jeremiah, 'Before I formed you...I knew...and approved of you.' Stop worrying about being rejected when you don't 'perform' perfectly. The world operates like that, but not God."

So today as I try and catch up on some rest I am thankful that no one knows me like God does, and that when I am weak He is strong - He is my strength and shield.